How perfectionism damaged my love for learning
And how I’m repairing it
As a student in a competitive college, I need to work hard in order to just pass my courses. The latter are not necessarily all that difficult in itself — although some do live up to the college’s reputation, the hardest part for me is the demanding amount of assessments, projects and presentations.
However, ever since I entered college, I decided I would aim higher. I didn’t want to just pass my courses, I wanted to have good grades (whatever that meant).
Of course “good grades“ is extremely subjective. On a scale from 1–20, a 16 can be an excellent grade for one student, while another can consider anything below 19 as a failure.
In my first year of college, an achievable good grade would be around 15–16. I was enjoying what I was learning and working hard, yet still maintaining a life besides it. I loved learning and studying, and enjoyed the feeling of being rewarded for my hard work.
Over the years, without me realising it, the bar I set for myself started increasing little by little and reached its peak when I entered my master’s degree. A 16 was no longer enough for me to feel satisfied. I needed more in order to feel validated by others and especially by myself.
